How to reframe the fear of being ‘too much’
That word “too” …
It appears in lots of phrases that many HSPs recognise only too well. Like “you care too much”, “you’re too affected by things”, “you think too deeply”.
The comments can be well-intended and reflect someone’s wish for life to be easier for you. And they can be a judgement about your sensitivity and natural way of being.
Either way, they’re hard to hear. Because they imply you’re getting something wrong.
And then there’s the worst ‘too’ of all. That you’re “too much”.
More than someone can or wants to cope with. More than is regarded as usual or normal. Too sensitive, too emotional, too deep.
Most HSPs I’ve met have worried about being ‘too much’. I certainly did. In fact, I was told more than once that I was.
It’s a corrosive fear to carry and a devastating thing to be told.
But let’s reframe things:
The reality. The truth is you will be ‘too much’ for some people. But they’re not your people, and you’re not theirs.
The flip side. There’s no such thing as being ‘too much’ for those who are your people. They’ll be drawn to – even relish – what others don’t appreciate.
You’re not alone. HSPs often feel that no one gets them and their way of being. But we are 1 in 5 of the population, and there are many other caring souls in the world.
Your tribe is out there. Start noticing who says things that resonate with you. Who are you drawn to? Who seems to live at the same depth as you?
Increase the chances of meeting kindred spirits. Go to events, do courses, try things you would anyway. Conversation is easier when you’re doing things that genuinely interest you.
Be your own reference point. You’ve had a lifetime of being on the receiving end of other peoples’ norms. Start acknowledging and honouring what’s normal and natural for you.
Turn the tables. If someone says something like, “you take things too seriously”, really allow yourself to feel “you don’t take them seriously enough”. Let your own standards be your compass.
Remember: You’re not ‘too’ anything. You’re exactly the way you’re meant to be. And it’s a much easier and more fulfilling place to live from than you might imagine.
