How to reframe the fear of not being ‘enough’

My last blog was about the fear of being ‘too much’.

This one’s about the fear of not being ‘enough’.

HSPs tend to worry about both, and to think that’s a contradiction.  It’s not – one feeds the other.

When we’re judged for being ‘too’ something, we naturally take on the implication – that we’re not ‘enough’ of something else.

For example, “you’re too serious” implies “I’m not fun enough”.  “You worry too much” suggests “I’m not relaxed enough”. And “you took too long” infers “I’m not quick enough”.

Fear of not being ‘enough’ also comes from others’ opinions of us.  Or our perception of their responses to us.  And from what we believe that says about us.

It comes down to how we feel we compare. And it’s rarely favourably!

There’s a saying that “comparison is the thief of joy”.

Comparison hits HSPs hard.  It can leave us striving to make up perceived shortfalls or clinging to what gives us identity.  In the hope of being enough.  Deserving of respect, acceptance and belonging.

But let’s reframe these fears:

Not fun enough. HSPs are fun and have great senses of humour.  But these can get lost when we’re stressed or feel judged.  Give your playful side a regular outing, and watch it bloom.

Not relaxed enough.  Reflect on why something felt serious.  There will have been a reason.  Acknowledge it.  And, separately, that HSPs can always do better at taking time out to chill.

Not quick enough.  HSPs naturally value quality over quantity.  Honour that if you can.  If not, can you compromise?  Or do you need to find a better and healthier fit for what drives you?

Comparison.  Who are you comparing yourself to?  What have they got that you don’t?  If it’s important to YOU, is it important enough to do something about?  You be the judge.

Unequal comparison.   You know your every thought, emotion and doubt from the inside.  You only see the outside of others, what they let be seen. Realise you’re not comparing like with like.

Reverse comparison.  You are capable of things others aren’t.  Go on – list what you’re good at, proud of, and what others compliment you on.  Give yourself credit, like you would a friend

Which all adds up to this: “You are enough, a thousand times enough.  And every time you doubt it, remember that you are not alone.”  (Atticus).