Delighting the senses right to the end
The author Elizabeth Gilbert recently recounted the words of a dying friend who said: “As long as I have any senses that can be delighted, I will find a way to delight them”.
I love that. I love the life in it. I love the living as well as you can to the very last minute (given the chance). That reaction reflects different parts of me:
- the Highly Sensitive Person who delights in my senses being delighted
- the funeral celebrant interested and privileged to tell a little of someone’s story
- the death doula student who’s always regarded death as part of life, and end-of-life as the most precious of times.
My recent doula course taught me invaluable lessons for life and made me realise I hadn’t thought enough about the dying involved in death. We were challenged to be our own first client. What would care and comfort look like for us beyond the legal, financial and funeral practicalities? What would we want and not want emotionally, psychologically, socially, spiritually and for the senses?
As far as my senses go, I’d like things like:
Hearing: being surrounded by music and the voices of family and friends; people reading things they think I’d like; birdsong; the sounds of live sports and silence.
Sight: the eyes and smiles of people I love; colours; flowers; favourite cards, gifts, pictures and photos to hand; golden hour light; sunrises, sunsets, the sky, the sea, autumn colours; beaches (by wheelchair access if needed); sunglasses for my sensitive eyes.
Smell: citrus; lavender; lemongrass and rosemary; coconut; my lime & basil perfume and what I’d recognise as others’ scents; my hair, skin, clothes and bedding smelling fresh; flowers that don’t set off my hay fever!
Taste: bits and drops of what I can tolerate at the time. Hopefully fish, cheese, pistachio tiramisu and non-alcoholic gin & tonic!
Touch: my giant wooden toadstool within reach; my favourite blanket nearby; hugs from family and friends; favourite people holding my hand; the sun on my skin.
Comfort comes in many forms, doesn’t it? Memories, presence, having choice, being listened to. And, for sure, delighting the senses right to the end.
So, as Mary Oliver would say, “What is it you plan to do for your wild and precious senses?”. Now and when the end nears. Delight in the answers, and connecting to your senses.
